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Satanic Rites 3
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Satanic Rites - Issue 3 (1992-11-24)(Destiny).adf
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nightclub
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nightclub
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Text File
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1990-01-05
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4KB
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146 lines
}0nf78
{e The Nightclub Survival Quiz
{a ---------------------------
{f By Metal / Destiny
{aThis quiz will help you progress from beginner to main-mad-drinker in 10
easy-to-cheat questions.
{e1. {aOk, its Friday night and you've just finished work. What do you do...
{ca) {aGo home.
{cb) {aGo to the pub.
{cc) {aGo to a nightclub.
{aIf you didn't choose {cC {athen you have failed, otherwise continue...
{e2. {aEntrance fee to the nightclub is 1 quid. Do you...
{ca) {aThink "{fShit, not paying that{a", and go home.
{cb) {aHand over a pound coin.
{cc) {aPiss of everyone by counting out the quid in coppers (and short change
them by 2p).
{e3. {aOK, you're in! What is the first thing you do...
{ca) {aThink "Shit the music's loud" and go and sit down in a remote corner.
{cb) {aThink "Shit the music's loud" and go and find yer mates.
{cc) {aThink "Shit the music's loud" and go to the bar.
{e4. {aApproaching the bar where do you stand...
{ca) {aWell There's a group of people in the way chatting so you're going to
wait for them to finish their conversation.
{cb) {aStand at the back of the 'queue'.
{cc) {aBarge your way through, knocking down any pregnant women in the way.
{e5.{a At the bar what do you order...
{ca){a "Coke / lemonade, please"
{cb){a "Cider, ta mate"
{cc){a "Newky Brown AND a whisky, bitch"
{e({aBeginners tip to getting served: Stand next to someone who is being served
As the bar person hands the change back SHOUT your order at them
BEFORE they have the chance to look for someone to serve.{e)
{e6.{a The dance floor is packed and Nirvana comes on. What do you do...
{ca) {aGet off the dance floor as soon as possible.
{cb) {aGo into the middle of the crowd and try to smash somebody's rib cage
by jumping into everyone sideways.
{cc) {aGo onto the stage and do a "Big Fun / Take That" dance routine, thereby
invoking all the heavies to come and twat you one.
{mB O N U S P O I N T S {aif you selected C on the last question answer
question 6b, otherwise continue at 7.
{e6.b. {aYou are surrounded by the heavies, as stated. What do you do...
{ca) {aRun like hell.
{cb) {aFind your worst enemy and say "There's the queer, get him!!!".
{cc) {aTwat them all, get chucked out & arrested.
{e7. {aIt's now 1am. You should be drunk. Stand up...
{ca) {aYeah. No problem!
{cb) {aYou can't. There's a girl sat on your lap.
{cc) {aYou can't. You're totaly pissed. (Rolling about on the floor qualifies)
{e8. {aYou are going to be sick. The toilet is 1000 miles away. Where will you
leave your mark...
{ca) {aIn a corner where no-one will see it. (Just smell it)
{cb) {aOn the nearest bouncer. (R.I.P.)
{cc) {aOn the dance-floor so that everyone slips around in it!
{eThe nightclub has finished. {fYou have found your way home {a(well done).
{mB O N U S P O I N T S {aif you have a hangover the next day...
{e9. {aIf you have been drinking Cider, and you throw up the following morning
what colour is the vomit...
{ca) {aOrange.
{cb) {aGreen.
{cc) {aSort of fluorescent, day-glo kind of bright green.
{m-{e={m-{e={m-{e={m-
{cRESULTS..
{cFor {aeach {cA-{ascore {e-5 {apoints.
{aeach {cB-{ascores {e5 {apoints.
{aeach {cC-{ascores {e10 {apoints.
{f-50 to 0 points..
{aYou sad bastard! You did that on purpose didn't you just to wind me up!
No-one can score that! Next time cheat.
{f0 to 30 points.
{aYou sound like a pretty ordinary guy, you could score better by cheating
though.
{f30 to 100 points.
{aHey, pretty excellent! Party On and all that.
{fExactly 100 points.
{aWow man! You sound like me! (Your handle isn't Metal is it?) See ya at the
Pier Nightclub in Wigan on Wednesday nights!
{fOver 100 pints.
{aNo! It says PINTS not POINTS. If you have drunk this much alcohol though
(and you are still alive) you rank very highly!
{fOver 100 points.
{aCheating bastard! Its not possible to score this highly! Recommended action
- Resit your maths A level.
{m ---
{eThanks to all the pissed bastards out there who know me! Including: Catty,
Andy, Dave, Shaun, Winnie. Joanne for staying incredibly "Hey I am sober"
even when she's totalled. And Orcslayer, cos he goes in The Pier!
{cBye, {fMetal.{a